he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
