I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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