new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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