I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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