Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
