i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
