How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
