so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
