ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
