I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
