just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
