I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
