NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
