i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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