I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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