I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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