I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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