Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
