Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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