don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
