I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My balls are so social today.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
