if you like me you must not know who I am
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
FUCK WHALES
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