Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Damn victory sex feels great
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
