i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
