dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
