Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
