I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Alive.
So much puke
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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