Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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