How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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