You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
