My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
