so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
