I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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