I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
