How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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