If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
