Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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