do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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