Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
