she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize