Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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