When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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