I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
