Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize