i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
