I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
