spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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