he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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