I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
