why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
