Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i love accidental penises.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
