he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
tell me about the eggs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
