hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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