Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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