Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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