I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
