I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
