I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
