Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
