Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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