Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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