Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I looked at my own cervix.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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